Mark Twain Quotes
“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” “‘Classic’–a book which people praise and don’t read.” “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.” “The funniest things are forbidden.” “There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.” “When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.” “Don’t wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality.” “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” “Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.” “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.” “You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.” “The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.” “The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.” “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” “The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.” “Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.” “No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.” “Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” “Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.” “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” “What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.” “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).” “Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” “The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.” “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” “Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it.” “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” “What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce.” “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, then success is sure.” “It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others—and less trouble.” “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” “It liberates the vandal to travel—you never saw a bigoted, opinionated, stubborn, narrow-minded, self-conceited, almighty mean man in your life but he had stuck in one place since he was born and thought God made the world and dyspepsia and bile for his especial comfort and satisfaction.” “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” “Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.” “A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.” “Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.” “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” “Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Next, check out Gordon Ramsay’s funniest quotes and insults.
